When I was in college, I had a torrid love affair with a young woman named Hope. One day I came to her and told her that I had found Jesus and that I was leaving her. In reality, Jesus was our maid’s five-year-old son who had been missing all afternoon. Everyone was frantic, including me. I couldn’t get that bitch Maria to concentrate for five fucking minutes on hemming and ironing my dress until I found her precious little rug rat.
Later that year, Hope gave me a button which read “Since I Gave Up Hope, I Feel Much Better.”
Hope returned to Democrat circles this week as Barack Obama laid into Republican plans of mice, men, and brain dead moose killers, to put an end to all things healthcare. As the professor took the uneducated to school, the scowls on the faces of Boehner, Cantor, and McConnell made the audience look like a KKK meeting, which had just been crashed by a negro.
And in many ways, it was.
The mantra from Republican circles for the past year has been that Americans don’t want healthcare reform. Or at least they don’t want the healthcare reform put forth by the Democrats and President Obama. No, indeed, they want to approach the problem of healthcare from a Republican perspective, by touting the free market and having the industry police itself, to provide cheaper, better healthcare solutions.
You know, the same shit we have right now, which has given us the best healthcare in the world, right behind Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Denmark, Chile, Australia, Finland, Canada, Morocco, Israel, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Germany, Cyprus, Sweden, Columbia, Belgium, Switzerland, Ireland, United Kingdom, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Iceland, Monaco, Portugal, Norway, Japan, Austria, Oman, Spain, Singapore, Malta, Andorra, San Marino, Italy, and France.
Oh, come on, you have got to be kidding me. Some of those aren’t even countries. They’re more like fly specks on the map. And some of those countries will let you die, because you’re a chick, and Allah doesn’t want a male doctor touching your hoo ha.
So after a seven-hour session, during which the President spanked the Republicans more than in a Japanese fetish video, Mr. Obama concluded that there was no bridging the divide between Democrats and Republicans on healthcare, and that the majority will proceed using all tools at their disposal.
To this, Lamar Alexander stated that ramming healthcare through the Senate using Reconciliation with no Republican support would be a political kamikaze mission.
Of course, Senator Alexander is correct. It will be political suicide to pass healthcare reform without a single Republican vote. It will result in huge losses for the party come November. The only problem is that the party, which will lose, will be the Republicans.
Republicans know that if they cannot outright defeat this bill, they will end up supporting it in the end.
Just this month, five Republicans joined the Democrats to end cloture to pass a jobs bill in the Senate.
After stalling and stonewalling in 1965, Medicare passed with 13 Republican votes.
And after it becomes inevitable, Republicans will vote to support healthcare reform, because they will not be able to survive history or their constituents if they resist.
The three New England GOP Senators will vote to support healthcare, when the time comes. Although Massachusetts already has better healthcare than this bill will provide, Scott Brown will end up voting for it, because he needs to show that not only his engorged johnson is purple. Senators from very poor states, which will benefit strongly from healthcare, will also end up voting for it, lest they be ridden out of town on a rail followed by an angry torch-wielding mob.
So for all those who voted for Change and gave up Hope, Hope is alive and well. Healthcare reform is nearing an end, and will pass. Those of us who hoped to make this Obama’s Waterloo, are now feeling stupid, not only because we have no idea what the fuck a Waterloo is–other than a faggy song our closeted members of Congress groove to while doing meth with a male prostitute–but because we chose the wrong thing to oppose to bring down Obama.
We should have chosen something more popular, something everyone in the nation could get behind, something, which would define not only the Republican Party but also the Tea Party.
Like repealing the Thirteenth Amendment.
